Five Steps For Managing Disruptive Behavior in Children
Children who exhibit conduct or behavior problems, often acting angry, aggressive, resentful or spiteful, deliberately annoying, or blaming, either melting down or acting out, can challenge even the most patient parent. How do you deal with the behavior and shape and transform it?
105. He did 105 consecutive cartwheels. I have witnesses. When I’d sense my child becoming agitated, I would challenge him to do as many cartwheels as he could. And on many occasions we did avoid meltdowns (for both of us) because of his cartwheels.
In my last blog post, Tips for Parents of Children with Sensory Issues, I gave an overview of sensory processing and how it relates to child behavior. So, great, you get it. You know that if your child has sensory processing issues it can impact their behavior and their ability to regulate attention, emotions, and behavior. But now what? How do you translate this into everyday action and movement towards resolving issues.
I am glad you asked.
I think about this as a multi-step process.
First, know that prevention is key. Many times parents and teachers would like me to tell them what ONE consequence to impart after a bad behavior so that the behavior does not happen again. Unfortunately, behavioral change doesn’t often work that way,especially for children who have unevenly developed sensory and nervous systems.
For these kids, prevention is key. To be able to prevent behavioral meltdowns, we need to know what the common triggers are for our child’s dysregulated behavior. So, ask yourself, who, what, where, when, and why questions about your child’s tough times of day, week, or month. Keep a log of what happened before an outburst. What were they doing? What were their surroundings? Then, you can note patterns.
Second, it is equally important to ask yourself when your child is calm, centered, and regulated. What is happening in the sensory world around your child when they are relaxed? What sights, sounds, tastes, smells, or touches are they experiencing? Are they in motion? Or still? Start to notice the recipe for good spells of regulation, as well as the dysregulated times.
Third, build calming sensory activities into your day intermittently, especially as tricky times of the day approach. Allow your child to get energy out and regroup through movement or particular sensory input that is positive for your child. For specific ideas of soothing strategies to use, check out my list of soothers and triggers link here.
Use sensory activities, whether it be stroking a soft blanket, having quiet time in a tent, or sitting in the sun, to connect with your child. Engage in side by side tandem activities like coloring, kinetic sand, or modeling clay. Sharing a calming space with your child can be very powerful. The goal is that connected activities can stop meltdowns before they happen. And, yes, sometimes meltdowns happen despite our best prevention.
Fourth, if a meltdown happens, remember to soothe your child first and shape their behavior later. Many of the sensory activities listed on the soother and triggers download can be used to help your child regroup and regulate.
Pro tip: Don’t be afraid to use a soothing activity when your child is upset, even if others around you will tell you you are rewarding bad behavior. Learning about sensory processing, what soothes your child, and helping them move towards a peaceful state is the goal. Make keeping sight of this goal your focus
The fifth and final step is to connect and reflect with your child. By teaching them to soothe using what you both learn about their sensory systems you are building bridges in their brains, decreasing the shame that comes with failed behavioral plans, and staying connected through challenging times. These are great skills to teach kids. To learn more about this, check out my latest podcast, How To Help Your Child on a Daily Basis: Sensory Processing and Adoptive Parenting Part 2.
I am glad you are here.
Dr. Laura Anderson
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