How Parents and Schools Can Help LGBTQ+ Students Feel Safer
Last week on my Coffee & Conversation chat on Facebook I talked about the joys and struggles that can accompany parenting a child on a gender journey or one that identifies in the LGBTQ+ community. If you’re just starting this journey, there may be many questions as well as feelings around the transition. But when the family individuals as well as the family as a whole thoughtfully processes all of these it can lead to an expanded community and stronger bonds, creating a rich joyful experience.
One of the challenges that families and kids may have is figuring out how to navigate a school community. And in all honesty many schools are still trying to figure out how to make their spaces safe for all kids. I spoke with Cath Brew, a lesbian, advocate, and consultant to schools who helps them create welcoming, inclusive environments for their kids worldwide.
One starter point we discussed was to sit down with the child who is exploring their gender identity and figure out what they want, how they want to present themselves in the family, in their school, and in their community. Not all children want to change their pronouns, but some will. Some kids may want to go by a different name. Other kids simply want to change their hairstyle or clothing choices. Or they may want to change all of these things.
When schools are looking at being more inclusive they have to look at all points where families and kids are interacting with their brands, intake, staff, and teachers. Does the website say they are an inclusive school? What examples do they use to back that up? In many foreign countries it may be illegal to be a transgender, lesbian, or gay person. How does the school signal they are inclusive in these situations?
Beyond the website, are forms inclusive? Are parents listed as parent 1, 2, 3, or more regardless of gender? Are there places for kids to identify as more than male or female? Can they identify as transgender male or female or non-binary? Are there places to choose their pronouns? And is this information disseminated and respected by all your staff and teachers?
When it comes to individuals in an organization we find that 20% will be thought leaders, adapting to changes and championing equity. Another 60% slowly change with support. But 20% are likely to hesitate to challenge old ways of thinking and easily adopt new pronouns for a student. How can we change these people’s perspective?
Cath’s answer? Start using the wrong pronoun for them. It won’t take long for them to be offended and realize how a child may feel offended, unrecognized, or unsafe in the space.
The ultimate goal is creating spaces where all children feel included and safe, where they are bullied or shamed, where appropriate pronouns are used, where appropriate and respectful terms and language is used. And it starts with looking at each point of contact with the family and student.
If you’re a parent with a transitioning kid, make sure to ask them how they want to be addressed and what they need to feel safe. Then advocate for your child so that they feel safe. When a child does not feel safe they cannot participate in learning fully. To be their best learner selves they need all their mental energy to focus on schoolwork, not on their safety as an LGBTQ+ student.
Genderspectrum.org has an extensive guide for schools. This may be overwhelming for some schools and families but it is a good place to start to bring about change.
To hear the whole podcast and learn more about promoting safe spaces for LGBTQ+ kids listen to the podcast here.
In health,
Laura Anderson
Dr. Laura S. Anderson specializes in educating and supporting families, as well as clinicians who support transracial adoptive families, across the globe to overcome barriers, derive strength from their differences, and thrive. She is a dynamic advocate for multiracial families and a strong advocate for supporting "third culture" children and families who may need support with the stressors associated with living out of their countries of origin.
Contact Dr. Anderson here.
