Our Kids Are Great Teachers

Full bias totally acknowledged, my son should probably have his own talk show and/or Youtube channel. His observations are keen, and often pointed. Last week on my podcast entitled Parenting from a Child’s Persepctive, I interviewed him. And based on feedback we are getting about the episode’s fabulousness, he seems to have upstaged me, as he often does in real life. 

Beyond having fun with my child in an unplanned, unscripted way, the podcast was a peek into one of the parenting strategies I often use. As parents we can learn so much from our kids.  When you are all calm (and maybe with a slightly smaller audience than a podcast following) sit down with your child. Check in. Ask what seems to be working? What are the sticking points in your family flow? Are your strategies for changing behavior and changing the “stuck points” working? How does your problem solving style land on your child?

To be clear, kids need to understand that parents are setting the structure, tone, and boundaries for the house. If daily routines and expectations are too varied, and guided too much by kid whim, then children often become anxious. Behavior gets more disorganized. They tell us they want more freedom and hate our rules, but the predictability and consistency create safety and trust and lets kids be kids. So, while we are making a point to check in with our kids about how things are going, I frame it as a chance to have them be part of the team. They get to give input. I listen. I learn. And I ultimately incorporate their input into many, not all, decisions I make. 

So, having clarified that, it can be really powerful to get your child’s input into how your parenting style and strategies are received by them. What stories would they tell about how you parent? What do they think “works”? What are the slightly uncomfortable truths they would tell? These conversations can be a time of great connection between parents and children. They offer moments for your child to develop agency and a voice to ask for what they need. These kinds of communications also help build trust and attachment while your family moves through this often imperfect journey of life. This is a gentle reminder to push pause, snuggle, and check in with your kids. Listen. And hopefully laugh a bit too. 

Be well,

Dr. Laura Anderson

Dr. Laura S. Anderson specializes in educating and supporting families, as well as clinicians who support transracial adoptive families, across the globe to overcome barriers, derive strength from their differences, and thrive. She is a dynamic advocate for multiracial families and a strong advocate for supporting "third culture" children and families who may need support with the stressors associated with living out of their countries of origin.

Contact Dr. Anderson here.